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  #1  
Old 04-05-2018, 09:24 AM
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Atlsooner Atlsooner is offline
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Default End of my rope.

Guys, please forgive me for airing personal family matters in this type of social media, but I am at the end of my rope, and I see no end in sight. I know everyone has problems, issues, conflicts in their personal life. But I have no relief valve to let off the steam and pressure in my head other than my family here.

My wife has a son who is almost 37 years old, and has no job, no money, never been married, and his mom is an enabler. I blame her as much as him for creating this. He has no rent to pay, no mortgage to pay, no car payment, because mom took care of that for him several years ago. She pays his Obama care health ins, car insurance, HOA fees, cell phone bill, spending money, plus the charges on her CC. And this is just a fraction of monthly expenses he incurs. Vet bills, car repair bills etc. His only job he does, is a Uber driver. Trust me when I say this, but again, this is just a FRACTION, of the monies that go out to him and his expenses. It is about to cause a divorce I feel sometimes. I know, I know, don't come in between a momma and her child, because you will lose every time. But this is a grown ass f'ing man, who has no skills, no education , no nothing.

We have been blessed to have no money problems of our own, so far, but I think of what more we could or can have to enjoy our life. We are getting older like everybody else, but this is absolutely killing me. Sorry to vent, and to let my personal issues out there, but what is guy suppose to do ?
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  #2  
Old 04-05-2018, 09:32 AM
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Somethings got to give eventually. Take him turkey hunting one evening and direct him to the middle of a swamp, then leave.
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  #3  
Old 04-05-2018, 10:24 AM
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We've talked about this many times. Wish I had an answer that solve this issue without strife between you and Victoria.

I don't have the answer, but I am always available to listen.
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Old 04-05-2018, 10:34 AM
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I'm not sure there's ever an easy answer to these types of family issues. I will say that I feel your pain though...my two boys are completely dependent on my wife, one of them can't even wipe his own azz without crying about it.
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Old 04-05-2018, 12:41 PM
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Not sure what to tell you, but a 37 year old does not need any handouts. I can imagine the problems this causes and at some point, you may have to lay down an ultimatum.
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Old 04-05-2018, 01:23 PM
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As she continues to enable, it will only get worse. Not better. I really hate to hear this Dennis! Yall have been through TOO much to have to deal with this! I watched my mother do this with my brother all his life. He finally just about 5 years ago at 41 and after doing two years hard time, grew up and is a responsible person and contributor to society now. I hope things get better for yall!
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Old 04-05-2018, 05:26 PM
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That's a tough situation Dennis. I've had 2 family members call me asking for money this week. I have 2 family members that are 56 and 58 yrs old and neither can take care of themselves. 1 called me again today begging for a $100 so they want get evicted from the appt they rent because their 80 yr old mother kicked her out. Alcohol and drugs has been her downfall. 2'times in rehab but apparently she has relapsed�� We can discuss tomorrow at the ponds
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Old 04-05-2018, 05:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quickdraw View Post
That's a tough situation Dennis. I've had 2 family members call me asking for money this week. I have 2 family members that are 56 and 58 yrs old and neither can take care of themselves. 1 called me again today begging for a $100 so they want get evicted from the appt they rent because their 80 yr old mother kicked her out. Alcohol and drugs has been her downfall. 2'times in rehab but apparently she has relapsed�� We can discuss tomorrow at the ponds
I know I am a cold hearted bastard, I hear it all the time, but I swore off giving/loaning money to pretty much anyone. I help my in laws out when needed, but that is only because my father in law is totally disabled and been unable to talk since his massive stoke in 1990 and the bullshit penance that disability pays is not enough.

But everyone else can go **** themselves and that is exactly what I tell them. I would be willing to help a close family member or friend if it was a real hardship situation, but I'm not helping anyone too sorry to work or just wants a handout.

A few years back, my Mom called and asked if I could give my poor, sorry ass sister some deer. I said sure and packed a big cooler full of deer, turkey, saltwater fish, even some chicken. My Mom came and got the cooler, took it to my sister and even had to bring my cooler back. I never received a thanks, kiss my ass or anything from my sister. The only thing that I heard was from my Mom and my sister had told her to tell me that they really like deer meat made into jerky.

I told my Mom and I know this sounds awful but to tell my sister "go **** herself and her n...... boyfriend and don't ever ask me for another handout".

I've watched my Mom give her tens of thousands of dollars over the years for any kind of bullshit money woes that she can lie about. I am more like my Dad, he told my sister years ago that he wasn't giving her another cent if that was the only reason she visited him, she has been there to see him once in about 12-15 years and that is only because he went thru a health scare and she thought he was about to die. Since he has gotten somewhat better, she hasn't been back around.

Sorry to ramble, but sorry ass people get me steamed
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  #9  
Old 04-05-2018, 09:28 PM
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You can't win the vs kid thing. So, you have to address the conflict from a different, and mutually accessible angle. I would consider doing a thorough budget, accounting for mutual goals, etc., and hold her to it. You would have no complaint if she meets her financial responsibility to the marriage and wastes her discretionary income on a deadbeat kid.

That's what I'd do if it were me, which could very easily not apply to you at all.
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  #10  
Old 04-05-2018, 09:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesG View Post
Somethings got to give eventually. Take him turkey hunting one evening and direct him to the middle of a swamp, then leave.
Could mistaken him for a turkey.
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  #11  
Old 04-06-2018, 07:20 AM
Timber Cruiser Timber Cruiser is offline
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PM sent.
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  #12  
Old 04-06-2018, 03:22 PM
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I’ve got no advice but sorry that you’re having to deal with a sorry “kid.”
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  #13  
Old 04-07-2018, 05:46 AM
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It's sad to see what some parents think is showing love is actually causing the person more harm. That mentality will probably not change without something tragic happening. And I'm not referencing any accidents occurring. Chances are you are not going to change this behavior. My advice (which is worth the amount of money in my pocket) is voice your opinion on the situation and stand firm to the extent you can with your money going to him and allow it to play out. Honestly, I think it's your only option short of making her choose between the two of you guys. Which probably will not work out in your favor. That's a tough deal sorry for your headaches.
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  #14  
Old 04-09-2018, 08:25 AM
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I lived it with my sister for over 20yrs... It’s a horrible thing to witness or be a part of...

As MM stated, the outcome is normally tragic when changes finally are implemented at this stage of the game..

Either you deal with it or roll the dice and force a major shake up and see what happens...

I don’t know any other way to lay it on the table for you Big D.

I’m truly sorry for your situation.

Tommy
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