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  #1  
Old 05-08-2018, 09:19 AM
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ssramage ssramage is offline
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Default Family...

Warning, long post, just venting...

Since moving to SSI 5 years ago, my relationship with my family (particularly my dad) has been distant. With grandkids, we do our best to let them see him but it's a one way road. He refuses to travel to us...he's been down to our place 3 times in 5 years.

We do our best to take the kids to see him, often leaving them there for several days to maximize their time. Lately, this is becoming pretty difficult and I think we've got some tough conversations coming... My dad is a border line hoarder and it's becoming worse. The house is filthy, there's stuff everywhere that we don't feel comfortable having our kids around (definitely not baby proofed by any means), and to top it off we've had a few situations with his long term girlfriend that make us uncomfortable leaving our kids alone with her. After the last time, I drew a line in the sand last time and said that if the kids were there, my dad had to take off work to be there. We wouldn't leave them if he wasn't. We left the kids there last weekend and when we picked them up they were filthy and hadn't bathed or brushed their teeth in 3 days, our youngest hadn't had his medicine in 3 days, and our youngest had also been bit by one of my dad's 8 dogs... this is just a scratch on the surface of the whole situation. My wife is a nervous wreck every time we drop the kids off there and it causes us to argue/fight the whole time.

Long story short, it's really impacting the relationships in our family. I catch chit constantly for them not having a strong relationship with their grandkids and I catch chit from the wife because the kids aren't taken care of appropriately while they're there. Not sure how to handle...just wanted to vent. Family issues suck...
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Old 05-08-2018, 10:22 AM
bouncy bouncy is offline
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I never let my kids stay at my dads house.........the smoke in there will give you lung cancer in 24 hours......I don't even go in the house unless I have to........

Do whatever it takes to take care of your kids!

Sorry dad.....but unless you straighten up your house......the grandkids will not stay there.
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Old 05-08-2018, 12:20 PM
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You have to protect them until they can protect themselves.

I do not see a line drawn, if he doesn't want to come down and visit his grandkids, then I would not be concerned with letting them visit.
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Old 05-08-2018, 12:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bouncy View Post
I never let my kids stay at my dads house.........the smoke in there will give you lung cancer in 24 hours......I don't even go in the house unless I have to........

Do whatever it takes to take care of your kids!

Sorry dad.....but unless you straighten up your house......the grandkids will not stay there.
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Old 05-08-2018, 09:45 PM
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I agree with everything that's been said. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS!!!!!
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Old 05-09-2018, 01:36 AM
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Your kids and wife are number one priority!
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Old 05-09-2018, 09:21 AM
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Totally agree with everything you guys are saying. The shitty part is that it won't be received the same way on the other end so it's going to suck.

Sorry for the vent, thanks for the confirmation.
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Old 05-19-2018, 09:24 PM
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My parents house is 10x worse and Ive fought that battle.

Petty shit in the grand scheme of things but ell him how you feel.

Its too late for me. My mom will never change and my dad passed away.
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Old 05-19-2018, 11:18 PM
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I hate that Ramage , but I say if they want to see the kids then they need to come down to your place on the coast or at a neutral site on vacation etc
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Old 05-20-2018, 05:43 AM
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I went through the same shit. My parents begged for us to leave the kids with them, but they had an ankle biter dog, and my wife refused to leave them there. We argued constantly about this. I finally chose to stand behind my wife and kids. That conversation with my folks was not well received, but they accepted it, and still chose the dog over the grands. It has never caused the relationship to be severed, but it changed things forever. My kids are grown now, all is well, everyone is happy, and we all get along great, accept that my dad passed away almost 6 years ago, so he doesn’t get to enjoy his grands as adults. Choose your kids safety over anything else.........and your wife’s happiness.
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